I know I haven't posted in a while. Quite a few things have happened since I last did. But things have slowed down a little bit, for now anyways. I suppose now is the time, before it gets hectic again in a few weeks!
Last I posted, we were dealing with issues with certain people we felt were taking advantage of us. Those relatioships have not really been mended and are still sort of at a stand still. Other relationships have been put on time out as well.
We strongly believe that the well being of our family should come first and people who cant respect us for our parenting and life choices don't need to be a part of our daily life.
God calls us to love our neighbors, to love our enemies, basically to love all the people. And we are trying hard to show theses people love. The issue is, we can love them without spending copious amounts of time with them. We do not need to conform to their ways and accept their criticism and be tolerant of their views in order to show them love. But we strongly feel that they need to show us basic respect in order for us to feel "loved" by them. Can you love someone without even acknowledging them during a conversation ? Can you love someone without respecting the most important choice that they have ever made ?
This is what we are struggling with. And then, if you add the imminant arrival of our newest addition to the family, the fact that I am not working any more, which was our only income since my loving husband is currently unemployed and awaiting news from the military since he has reapplied to join since we have no options left.
There is much stress and frustrations that this mama is trying to sort through at the moment. The worst part is. that I know how to deal with it but I feel like it's blocked off from me, and I am the one doing the blocking!
I know that the answer is to turn to God, He has said many time to turn to Him when we are weary and heavy burdened, worried or stressed. He will take care of us and cares for us more than any one possibly can. He is the Creator of the world, He can handle all the little things that are bothering me and can help me face any problem that I encounter, if I turn to Him. And, for some reason, I just can't seem to let go of it all and let God take over. I know that he is there and He cares and is waiting for me to let go. Why can't I just let go and let Him take over? This stress is driving me crazy and is unhealthy for me, my husband, our boys and this new baby that is in my belly. This is unfair to all of them.
I am so tired and angry and frustrated. I am trying to prepare myself for the next step and I feel like I'm drowning and can't make it to it. There are so many things that need to be done before her arrival and they are all caving in on me and right in front of me and I can't get myself to do any of it. I know they need to be done. Hubby keeps reminding me to do them. The boys refuse to help me do them. I am choosing not to do them. It's like I can't find the motivation to do anything. I am fighting my own nesting impulses with this laziness and am afraid. Afraid that theses feelings now will enable post partum depression to take over on me like it did with Samson. Theses are similar feelings and it's making me worry even more. How am I supposed to now take care of 3 children when I'm not even sure I can take care of myself.
So, like I said, there is a lot going on now. And most of it has been ongoing for a while now. I've just finally hit a lull in my mind space and can finally write some of it out.