Looking for understanding

No one seems to understand. It's not that i dont want to or that i am not trying. I am trying and i am fighting against my brain and my arm and leg. I am fighting against it telling it that it can. Commanding it to do the movement and it wont. The nerve in my arm literally hurts so bad that my arm shuts down and i want to cry. My bad leg gives out after so many steps. And it feels  like its about to break the next time I step on it. It really hurts. I am being strong and not taking any pain meds. The doctor  prescribed them for a reason. And i am pushing through without them. Because i have no choice. Just because i have had the 2nd surgery doesn't mean its all better now and over. Doesn't mean i can magically walk like every one seems to think. Its actually harder and more painful now. Yeah it was a small surgery but it did something big. I haven't walked in 4 months. I seriously have forgotten how. And everyone just think that i dont need the crutches or boot or anything and can just walk!  I can barely stand at the stove for five minutes or brush my teeth without it throbbing in pain, starting to shake and let go. All expectations are unrealistic for 4 days after surgery.  I did a lot of walking today and hitting the van door thru me off balance and put extra weight on it and used up what was left of my tolerance on it. The paper says, physically activity as tolerated. I know what i can tolerate. I know how much is too much and how  doing that much more will screw up my next day. Its my foot. I know it. What you see and are judging is just the tip of the iceberg. If i say that i can't do something its because i cant. It would be nice if tou could help me with those things instead of criticizing me over them. It would be even better if you respected me knowing my own limitations. Yes, push me to do better. But if i am not ready, you need to respect that. I am ready for the challenge when it comes. I wont take on more than one challenge at a time.


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