An open heart and empty spots.

*** disclaimer*** I  am not pregnant ***

As you can all see, this family is exploding of babies lately. So the topic has come up that we should have an other and hope its a girl.

It's funny because this topic keeps coming up every where. They asked me before the surgery if there were any chance that I could be pregnant. Well there could have been. The test came back negative. Now there are two things from these lines I would like to discuss.

1. There will always be a "chance" of me being pregnant. Dustin and I are Married. We don't believe in using contraceptive measures. If God intends for us to have multiple children, we will. If not, we wont. We are married. We will have sex. If I get pregnant yay! If I don't, its ok. We are not actively trying to conceive. Im not charting or taking my temperature every morning. So I will not be dissapointed if a pregnancy test comes back negative. I will be excited if it does though. We just find it annoying that we are labeled as "trying" when really we are not. We haven't had any contraceptive mesures in place since we have been married. That's almost 7 years. We have 2 children.

And 2. Well honestly I just forgot what my second point was. It will come back to me later.

Anyway. The babies are making my ovaries twitch.  And if my manly bearded husband had ovaries...they would be twitching too! Holding Emma-Jeanne and seeing Vincent has stired up those feelings in us. And Noah is getting bigger and has weaned himself and isn't a baby any more. Having a third can't be much harder than 2, right ?

Obviously we would be outnumbered and we would be starting over the phases we just finished like not sleeping nights and crowding baby equipment. But can we afford it? Neither one of us has an extremely high paying job. But we have never gone without. We have always had what we have needed. That is the last concern on my mind. So, do I want to be that much more sleep deprived? 

An other issue is the fact of my health. Because I am type 2 diabetic my pregnancy is deemed high risk. Everything I eat is monitored and insulin injections become a 4-times daily thing. Something I have noticed is that I am at my healthiest when I am pregnant. I have yet to gain weight during a pregnancy. I gain it after when I jump into my breastfeeding-hungry-like-crazy phase. And then I becomesedentary since I am always sitting and feeding the little bottomless treasure!

All in all. I am mentally ready to have an other baby. I am physically ready as well. My heart is open and ready. And so is daddy's. Does this make us "officially trying" ? No. It makes us parents with open hearts and empty spots ready to fill when the time comes.

This post feels incomplete because I can't seem to get all the right words together to say what I  want to say. I might come back later and edit some parts or write an other post further explaining what I  am feeling. All in all, I am just tired of being asked if   we are TRYING to conceive. We will have an other baby when it happens. As obvious as that sounds.


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