Civilian Life ahead.

 I suppose I should start off by mentioning that this isn't a surprise, Dustin leaving the military, I'm sure I've mentioned it before in a post or an other, so it's something that's been a possibility looming in the background of my brain for a while. I just didn't think it would all happen so fast. We moved out of Petawawa in November and everything went downhill from there. Move-wise, we didn't end up moving to where we had planned to, we're not even in the town we had planed to move in. We are not in a good place financially, that was one of the reasons we were moving, to be able to save. But somehow that never happened and now we are even more in debt. Go figure ! And so we talked about him possibly re-signing a contract so that he would get promoted to Cpl. and have a better financial situation, but in the end, it was out of the question for DH. And I will support him no matter what his choice is. I'm just a little sad with the one he chose.

I was not really into it when he said he was joining the Army. I didn't want to become an Army Girlfriend or Fiancée or Wife. We talked about for a while and well we're still together right?  So I didn't even have time to get use to the idea of him in a uniform that he was gone off to Basic. We then got engaged and then married all within 6 months of him leaving for Basic. At that point, whether I wanted it or not, I was an Army wife. I guess after a few Remembrance  Day Ceremonies and a Red Friday or two, and after finding an Army Wife Support website, I really "felt" like an Army wife, or maybe after his kit started to invade our whole house ? So it has become part of who I am, being not just a wife but an Army Wife. When I meet someone new, that's how I'm introduced, it's part of me.

So I think I might be a bit resentful of him for taking it away from me...

I haven't felt like wearing red on Fridays, I don't make his lunch for work anymore, I don't visit with Military friends with him, I've even been avoiding the website. On top of other issues I've been going through at the house. So, we barely see each other during the week and then I work on weekends, so all of this is causing major friction between us.

Yes, he knows how I feel and what I'm going through. And Yes, I did say I would support his decision no matter what, I just didn't think it would affect me so much.

So here it is, some of the chaos going on in my head. Add a load full of debt, some undone laundry, a new job, an unruly dog an ongoing weight loss struggle, still dealing with Diabetes and much more.  I don't know what I want. Maybe understanding, comfort or justification maybe ?


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